He is not looking forward to going. Each time a doctor has seen him, they asked him if he could feel his little finger and he said no. We were told that it was 'difficult to assess him' and that is why he was discharged with the pin still in the nerve and left that way for two weeks. Now I know why he screamed so much when the cast was taken off the first time and the doctor touched the pins sticking outside his arm. I hadn't even given him pain killers as I didn't know it was going to be painful. Actually, the problem in communication was more that the doctors didn't listen - or didn't want to hear - that he really couldn't move his finger. They just thought he wasn't making an effort. He did communicate clearly, but it is a two-way process.
I didn't want to believe there was nerve damage either, but when the surgeon said he had actually seen the pin through the nerve, I had to. I felt like screaming too, then, but he was just waking up from his anaesthetic, so we had to be calm and collected.
So we are going back to face them and have his arm assessed tomorrow. It will do no good to be angry with the surgeon, but I'm not sure what emotion will replace anger. Already at four, he can read me like a book, so I am thinking about it now. Jesus said that if we are angry with someone, it is as though we have murdered them, which is pretty strong, but anger, like communication is also a two-way process. It turns back on us if we unleash it. I saw the ultimate results of anger when I went to Bosnia in the nineties and crossed the border into Croatia to get to Serbia. First one house in a street in the border town was bombed out, then three in a street, and eventually the entire street. The chatter on the bus gradually faded away and no one looked at each other as the guilt and shame pressed heavily on us all.
So I will pray for my anger to be taken away and for me to remember to hold no grudges because all the things that I've done wrong in my life will not be held against me in the final analysis. I will pray for peace instead.